By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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