Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
