My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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