I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
