If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
