I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
