TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
