I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She made me pour olive oil on her.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
