I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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