I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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