We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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