I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
