It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
