We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
