I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
