I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
