I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
