she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
