I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
