I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize