doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
