I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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