your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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