Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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