it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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