so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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