The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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