Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
