If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
