sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
