FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
