I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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