I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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