..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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