we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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