We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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