My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
