What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
