At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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