so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
