i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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