Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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