i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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