Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
