you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have aggressive nipples.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
