Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
false alarm. still invincible.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
how drunk are you?
Several
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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