You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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