I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
