i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
