dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
