This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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