if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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