you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
