Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
