whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
