I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize