I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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