My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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