there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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