franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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