Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
