Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
