I hate all girls vehemently.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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