It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
