Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
