The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize