wakey wakey hands off snakey
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
