I think i sorta joined a cult last night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
