sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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