you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
