I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize